First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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