There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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