im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
