Plan B is the new Plan A
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
