I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The struggles of a small town man whore
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
