loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm too high and old for this...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
