Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
