Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
