my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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