you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
