in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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