hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
