"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
