First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
