mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we made out on top of his cat.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
