we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
