I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
