yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Randomize
