I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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