There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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