so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
