I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
