4 words: hood of his car
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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