i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
