his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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