I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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