I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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