Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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