he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
