What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
