Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
