I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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