Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He? As in you personified your dick?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
