Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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