He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think your dad took our porno
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
