you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
