See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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