Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
