Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
