That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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