Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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