Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
