...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
