Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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