i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
