P.S. I can't hear my feet
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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