Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
