Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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