She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
