bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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