She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
