Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
