I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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