dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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