she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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