I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
