One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize