kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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