he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
that is very illegal...i love you.
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