defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
