So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
