Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
