My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
