I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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