Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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