Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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