and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
