I can text with my tongue
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
