I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
