those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
