This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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