Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
