true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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