I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
