come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
